The Stats - where are they?

I ran away from them as I am fed up with their repetition. I have seen nothing but 96.? and 97.? for two months. Of course this is my own fault but I can still be annoyed with myself right?

I have put on a very poor performance - you put effort in (I really did) and it didn't pay off. I got fed up and back to my old ways which is rubbish, I am well aware.

So why am I whining about this to you all again? Well, I went shopping today. I was in hum (H&M>HM>hum) today feeling a little down about all the gorgeous clothes and thought sod it, I'ma tryin' on. I picked up a dress and went into the changing rooms, with a new pair of leggings in tow. Now, my weight (as I've probs said before) lurks around my legs. They are awful legs, all ming and uber-cellulite, so being this size and wearing a dress with bare legs is a ghastly thought. I tried it on (with the leggings) and really like it. I then took off the leggings are hated it. Hum changing rooms have two mirrors, the big fixed one and the swivelly one for a nice ol' rear view. I hated what I saw. I saw how other people can see me from the side and most goppingly from behind. It made me wonder how OH can say he loves me and worse still, be mildly attracted to me *shudders at the thought*

It was at that deeply depressing moment I thought f*ck this, I am letting myself down. At the end of the day I do give one about what I look like and it reminded me of how much happier I was at 11st. So I have bought the dress, I love it, and what I would love is to wear it bare legged on my mini holiday with OH, my bezzies and our dogs in Cornwall. This is 11th July. That is just over 4 months away. I may not be able to get to 11st as I'd have to lose a stone a month, 3.5lb a week. That's tough going. But I am gonna try my damned hardest.

I was furthermore spurred on when my mum told me about a new weight loss pill coming in from America; I told her I NEED to do this by myself, so I can prove that I can.

Here is the dress:

Yummers eh?

LET'S DO THIS THING!!!

Yeah I won't say that again, don't worry.

Review: Week 3

Good very late evening/very early morning to you all.

I have had two weeks where I maintained my weight, and didn't lose. I was asked why this was when I have been under my calorie intake goal most days last week. I reckon it's because of lack of exercise. As I've said before, I really struggle working a day shift which I did Weds-Fri (hence delayed post of The Stats) and although I had every intention of going to the gym, when you're falling asleep and can barely drive home, gym is my last thought!! Plus my gym is at work (where it's free) so on my rest days I won't do a 30mile round trip just for the gym - I'm skint.

I have the world's fussiest dog as well - she would much rather lay on the sofa in the warm and dry than go for a nice long walk in the wet; even if it's just the pavement that's wet, she's having none of it. Walking around a field without a dog make me look like a weirdo and is uninspiring.

Therefore, no exercise. This week will be much better as I'm on nights and I love a 4am gym sesh, and the weather is acceptable for pooch so she gets a nice walk when I get home then we crash out in bed all day -it's my favourite shift :)

I'm eating well, with Ryvita's and low fat houmous for lunch, and good dinners (except when OH cooks me burnt pizza as I cannot physically move for being so tired).

OO OO - the ULTIMATE test occurred today. My bezzies aka The Lovely Lesbians, popped over to my town today to buy dog stuff, so I met them there where they chose to consume that devil's food McDonalds as well. Now I'm a Fat Bird so it's only natural I LOVE McD's. I was sat in a McD's, with two people eating a McD's and I didn't buy a thing. Nadda. Zip. Even when fries were being offered, I declined. Even when the fries were being offered as they were full, I declined. I have never said no before - I watched fries being thrown away.THIS IS PROGRESS PEOPLE!!!!

I can feel my food habits changing, in terms of my thoughts about food and obviously what I'm eating. I'm no way near there yet, but after my success in McDonald's I feel rather empowered :) I admit I celebrated this triumph with pancakes... #FAIL perhaps?

Review: Week 1

So I figured after I post my results, I'd share with you how my week went. The ups, the downs and all the wobbly bits in between.

It's been a bit of a tough week for me, not because I started finally doing something about my weight but because I was on day shifts Saturday-Tuesday and my OH was really ill with the flu.

Now what's the big deal with a day shift I hear you ask. Well mine are from 0645-1630hrs. I leave home at around 0610hrs and get home 1700hrs. It's a frickin long day made worse by the fact I AM NOT a morning person and struggle to go to sleep early enough, so end up going to work on 3 or 4hrs sleep. I then fall asleep when I get home - vicious circle yadda-yadda.

So if I'm lucky enough not to be unconscious in the evening, OH will do dinner as I am simply too exhausted. I say that like it's a good thing. His skills are limited to beans on toast, pasta (depends what with) and oven food (like chips, some version of Birdseye chicken and peas - always peas). But this week he's had flu, or as we call it Mafflu (my nickname for him is Maffew). So he's been a useless whiny child led up in bed. 

I admit that I have had pizza one night, a chicken sandwich with salad (from mummy), a roast (from mummy) tomato soup with tiger bread (*drool*) and some other miscellaneous non-fantastic stuff some other night.

The Monday Mong was because I had spent all evening finishing OH's application form for a job as he was too ill then going round mummy's to print it. Great way to have food made for you though ;)

That's the downers of this week. Along with the odd biscuit at work (Ssh).

Upsides this week:

I have prepared my work food the night before. So simple right? But I used to just chuck random stuff in a bag at 6am and head out the door ill-prepared, then find myself buying crisps during the day or going to Morrisons as I was actual hungry. I need both breakfast, lunch and something to fill the 5hrs inbetween.

Guess what I did? (so proud!) I took 5-a-day!! That's right!! I took a selection of fruit (apple, kiwi, plums, clementines) and a veg (either pepper or carrot). One day I even had baked beans which count toward 1 5-a-day. There was also a yogurt (low fat) thrown in for good measure after breakfast.

I have also made a concerted effort to drink more. It was not unusual for me to only have one glass of Diet Pepsi in a whole day. Seriously. I am not a massive fan of water and cannot sit there just drinking gulp after gulp of it. So I got some low-calorie orange squash to pop in it. Don't really like squash either but it's better than water. That's going well. I can tell because I pee more. Ick. Hate using public toilets.

Although I lost weight this week, I know that I did not make enough effort. There is more that I can do so make a bigger impact on myself and my habits.

As I'm on night shifts this weekend, I shall be in the gym on my break at 4am. This is my favourite time to go. Why? No one else is in there so I can make all the silly straining faces I need to get me to maintain 140 steps/revs a minute on the cross-trainer! I also use the weight machines as I need to strengthen my shoulder muscles. All good stuff. And although just before going it feels like the dumbest idea in the world, nothing beats that feeling of achievement when you're done.

Anywho, that is all from me on Week 1. How did you fair this week? What were your ups and downs? Or were you lucky enough not to have any...