Sunday, 6 March 2011

The Stats - where are they?

I ran away from them as I am fed up with their repetition. I have seen nothing but 96.? and 97.? for two months. Of course this is my own fault but I can still be annoyed with myself right?

I have put on a very poor performance - you put effort in (I really did) and it didn't pay off. I got fed up and back to my old ways which is rubbish, I am well aware.

So why am I whining about this to you all again? Well, I went shopping today. I was in hum (H&M>HM>hum) today feeling a little down about all the gorgeous clothes and thought sod it, I'ma tryin' on. I picked up a dress and went into the changing rooms, with a new pair of leggings in tow. Now, my weight (as I've probs said before) lurks around my legs. They are awful legs, all ming and uber-cellulite, so being this size and wearing a dress with bare legs is a ghastly thought. I tried it on (with the leggings) and really like it. I then took off the leggings are hated it. Hum changing rooms have two mirrors, the big fixed one and the swivelly one for a nice ol' rear view. I hated what I saw. I saw how other people can see me from the side and most goppingly from behind. It made me wonder how OH can say he loves me and worse still, be mildly attracted to me *shudders at the thought*

It was at that deeply depressing moment I thought f*ck this, I am letting myself down. At the end of the day I do give one about what I look like and it reminded me of how much happier I was at 11st. So I have bought the dress, I love it, and what I would love is to wear it bare legged on my mini holiday with OH, my bezzies and our dogs in Cornwall. This is 11th July. That is just over 4 months away. I may not be able to get to 11st as I'd have to lose a stone a month, 3.5lb a week. That's tough going. But I am gonna try my damned hardest.

I was furthermore spurred on when my mum told me about a new weight loss pill coming in from America; I told her I NEED to do this by myself, so I can prove that I can.

Here is the dress:

Yummers eh?


Yeah I won't say that again, don't worry.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

The Stats: Week 6

Another week goes by. A week with a cold and lady stuff = a really very rubbish dieter.

I am finding these weeks the hardest of all and am wondering if it's possible (and not just a cliche) that you can be addicted to junk food. I never seem to constantly crave kiwi's or ryvita, but make it a bar of chocolate, a large bag of yummers new Kettle crisps of even the two Easter eggs hidden under the stairs and I find I cannot help myself; the urge is far too great and I don't know what to do to stop myself. Aside from back-to-backing with my Pill so I don't have these tempting 7 days I'm not sure what is out there to help.

Hypnotherapy? Self-help book? A junk food patch (I imagine this to look like a small piece of Fruit Winders for some absurd reason)? Even after all the lies and admission, inspiring people and their kind words and ideas, it isn't happening. I could give my debit card to OH to curb my spending, but I can't hand over my digestive system. That'd be gross and a wee bit fatal.

Maybe I should sacrifice items of makeup if I don't hit interim targets....? No. Not that bad. Yet.

I have a few more things I think I should try before I completely cave and go to the Doctor's for a well-deserved ear-bashing. I'll let you know if it works.

So, see Week 5 Stats here. The results are in....

Weight: 96.6kg/212.9lb/15st3lb

So technically I lost a Lb which I put on for consuming alcohol and lovely food the night before, but I am no closer to losing anything than when I started this [charade] 6wks ago. Boy oh Boy what a let down and so not what the point of this was; a way to wallow in self pity and reflect on how utterly pants I am.


So I'm not going to get a gorgeously creamy crumbly Ripple out the drawer, nay, I am going to have my 42cal Chinese Chicken Noodle Cup-a-soup-a-mug-mejigger and a plum. Maybe even a kiwi.

And yup, you guessed it, I'm on nights so another ridic-o'clock ramble.

How are you all wonderful folk doing?

Friday, 11 February 2011

The Stats: Week 5

Blimey this week has gone quick right? Now how's it been for you? I've heard some great success stories from Pamela and Jodie already this week, both so inspiring to me as they are putting in some real hard graft and proving that it pays off.

I was having an average week, then I had my Xmas Do last night (yes we know it's Feb...). I ate really well, choosing new potatoes over chips and no pudding. I did drive so I couldn't drink, which I didn't.. at the pub. I then went back to a colleague's house where a few of us consumed several bottles of wine. Oops. But hey, I rarely drink, it was my first since New Years.

Needless to say this morning...

Weight: 97.1kg/214lb/15st4lb

So 1lb on, not so bad, but it does still mean I'm lurking around my starting weight from 5 weeks ago. I get the feeling I'm a bit rubbish at this!!

Wonder what it could have been if I hadn't been coerced into drinking....?

Sunday, 6 February 2011

The Stats: Week 4

I'm gonna be honest with you all. I was so looking forward to doing this, and thought it would give me the boost I needed. Then when I didn't put all the effort in that I should have, and I put on, I lied and said I maintained. I could not feel more ashamed. It's not like spending loads of money, realising I've done wrong and being able to return it all. This is completely different and I have been feeling so ashamed that I lied. I feel I have lost all integrity as a blogger (albeit I'm a very small fish) and that I will have lost all your faith and support.

I have said: W1: Loss, W2: Maintain, W3: Maintain.

What's actually happened: W1: Loss, W2: Gain 1kg, W3: Loss 0.5kg.

I'd have looked ridic coming on here today with a 3rd week maintaining, seeing as this week I have really upped my game. What I said in my last Review here is completely true: exercise is key. The lie was saying I had maintained when in actual fact I'd put on in Week 2. Week 3 wasn't a bad week as I had actually lost half I put on, but of course I couldn't tell you all that as you knew I'd be lying. I couldn't say I was less than I was as then it'd be me forever catching up, and I still didn't want to say I had put on. And so the spiral began.... 

But I'm stopping it, here and now. No more. Nothing but 100% honest truth. I just hope you guys don't hate me :(

Here are the Week 4 Stats, as of Friday morning (not had chance to blog sooner - I was comatose Friday...)

Weight: 96.7kg/213.2lb/15st3lb

So I have lost the rest of what I put on during Week 2 (not that I can expect you to believe me right now). From next week I shall be photographing the scales as proof, no matter what.

I saw no point in doing my measurements seeing as I'm only a few pounds lighter than when I started. Please feel free to share yours - I will do measurements every 4wks hereafter.

I will not delete the original posts, simply add a paragraph on them, making public my inability to face up to what I do wrong.

I never said this was going to be easy for me - this is huge, I am struggling with this more so than not spending. OH can take away my cards, but unfortunately he cannot stop me eating or (the preferable option for him I'm sure) staple my greedy mouth shut.

All I can say is I'm sorry :(

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

A Look To The Future: Laughable or Achievable?

I was all cryptic and mysterious at the end of the latest Stats post which you can read here. I would like to share with you a plan. It's a rather important plan, kinda lifechanging.

As some of you may know, I work for my local Police Force as a civillian staff member (Local Government civil servant basically). I take reports of crimes and incidents from members of the public. Lots has been happening at work, but at the same time nothing. I have done this job for over 2 and a half years and would like to progress, but there is no such thing as 'promotion' for 'equal opportunity' reasons. I can express no opinion towards this other than state the fact. I really want to have a career over a job and progress upwards, but recent revelations means this is unlikely to happen any time soon with where I am now.

So I have decided, I want to become a Police Officer... DUM DUM DUUUUUMMM!!! Now there is currently a recruitment freeze on Police Officers with our Force at the moment, but that's OK. The Force is still actively recruiting Special Police Officers. Now for those of you who may have no idea what an SPC is, it's a Police Officer in every sense of the word with all the same powers and responsibilities but they are volunteers. You give up at least 16hrs a month of your own time - two shifts basically, you don the bobby hat and utility belt and have a warrant card etc, but you get paid for none of it. It will give me a very good taste of the water as to what it will be like out on the streets, and I can test if it's for me or not. Also I think in not too many years, it will be a requirement that to join the 'Regulars' you must have been a Special.

Wiltshire Police

This means one thing: I have an actual real life goal to lose weight and get fit. The formal recruitment for the next intake is April time when assesments and interviews will take place, with a view to starting training in September. I have already asked for the application forms to be sent to me. EEP!!! One of the lovely aforesaid Lesbians is also looking to join up so fingers crossed I'll have someone to go through all this with.

So summer it is - thats 5-6months away to get fit enough to pass 5.4 on a bleep test. God I hate bleep tests.

Am I mad or may this actually work...? I'd love to know your thoughts :)

Review: Week 3

Good very late evening/very early morning to you all.

I have had two weeks where I maintained my weight, and didn't lose. I was asked why this was when I have been under my calorie intake goal most days last week. I reckon it's because of lack of exercise. As I've said before, I really struggle working a day shift which I did Weds-Fri (hence delayed post of The Stats) and although I had every intention of going to the gym, when you're falling asleep and can barely drive home, gym is my last thought!! Plus my gym is at work (where it's free) so on my rest days I won't do a 30mile round trip just for the gym - I'm skint.

I have the world's fussiest dog as well - she would much rather lay on the sofa in the warm and dry than go for a nice long walk in the wet; even if it's just the pavement that's wet, she's having none of it. Walking around a field without a dog make me look like a weirdo and is uninspiring.
Therefore, no exercise. This week will be much better as I'm on nights and I love a 4am gym sesh, and the weather is acceptable for pooch so she gets a nice walk when I get home then we crash out in bed all day -it's my favourite shift :)

I'm eating well, with Ryvita's and low fat houmous for lunch, and good dinners (except when OH cooks me burnt pizza as I cannot physically move for being so tired).

OO OO - the ULTIMATE test occurred today. My bezzies aka The Lovely Lesbians, popped over to my town today to buy dog stuff, so I met them there where they chose to consume that devil's food McDonalds as well. Now I'm a Fat Bird so it's only natural I LOVE McD's. I was sat in a McD's, with two people eating a McD's and I didn't buy a thing. Nadda. Zip. Even when fries were being offered, I declined. Even when the fries were being offered as they were full, I declined. I have never said no before - I watched fries being thrown away.THIS IS PROGRESS PEOPLE!!!!

I can feel my food habits changing, in terms of my thoughts about food and obviously what I'm eating. I'm no way near there yet, but after my success in McDonald's I feel rather empowered :) I admit I celebrated this triumph with pancakes... #FAIL perhaps?

Sunday, 30 January 2011

The Stats: Week 3

Update 06/02/11: Before you read on, you may be interested to read Week 4. The Stats contained in this post are phooey. I actually put on 1kg in Week 2, but I was too ashamed to admit it. In Week 3 I actually lost 0.5kg, but that is still more than Day 1.

Now some of you may be looking at the title of this post and be thinking eh? Haven't we already seen Week 3? Yes technically you have, but that's because I realised I had the titles incorrecty labled.  What was Week 1 is now Day 1, what was Week 2 is now Week 1 and so on. The titles ought to be retrospective - the Stats reflect the effectiveness of my weeks efforts. And now they do (although the actual web-links don't seem to have changed, I am not that technically adept to fix it). I'll get over it... done.


See Week 2 Stats here. I maintained last week. And this week....

Weight: 96.8kg/213.4lb/15st3.5lb
I've stayed the same - again! GGGRRR!!
Coming up in a bit, Week 3 Review - see what happened, and what I plan to do about it....